The Adulting Lady

Fairytale or hard work?

It’s so easy, especially as a woman, to think it is all that. The destination you live life looking forward to. We grow up reading tales that place love and finding Prince Charming as a goal, even before we understand what a romantic relationship is. We are told that the right man is going to show up, know that you are the one, marry you, and you live happily ever after with him. Well, let me tell you. You may be together until one dies, but the happily ever after takes work… Daily, might I add. It takes work daily. The fairytales forgot to factor this into the script.

See, Prince Charming comes with his own imperfections. Just like you. Funny thing is, as women, we think we are perfect. Especially if you grew up as a good girl and always tried to live your life perfectly. You know… Respecting your parents, getting good grades, graduating in record time, and keeping yourself intact and respectable. When you’ve done all this and more, you believe you’ve earned the right to get your perfect prince charming, with whom you will live happily ever after, and who you will be perfect for

You don’t ever imagine that Prince Charming is messy, lazy, inattentive, and selfish. And he didn’t know he would deal with a clean freak who values time together and romantic outings! Ok, that sounds bad, I know, and it certainly feels unbearable at times. So in the beginning, you wonder if you chose the wrong man. Then you start introspecting. Maybe you are not perfect after all, and you could do some things differently. And let me tell you. The so-called “happily ever after” is a cycle of joy, fulfillment, introspection, annoyance, forgiveness, and questioning if keeping it together is worth it. It’s actually unbelievable. Marriage (happily ever after) is something that takes so much work. Those who have succeeded in it are resilient, patient, selfless, and kind. It takes a lot to succeed in marriage. Way more than I know how to articulate at this point. Haha!

If you are a hardcore Christian, you understand that marriage reflects Christ and the church. Ever wondered why the Bible calls the church the “bride”? Our Christian walk is tough. For some the struggle is obedience, for others it is trusting in God and His goodness and there are other struggles. God sets the example to us by His grace, His love for us and continuous forgiveness. So essentially, married people should do the same for their spouse. And boy oh boy is this hard to do! We are made in His image, but we certainly don’t have His abilities.

To all the aspiring wives and husbands. Marriage takes lots of work internally and even outwardly. Sometimes way more work than you are willing to do. Most times you just surrender and let things work themselves out, and at other times you need to take action so you can have peace. Is it worth it? I mean, actually fulfilling? If you are a lover and genuinely got married for love, then no! I say this with my chest. If you got married so you could gain or build a family, share bills, gain support, and just do this rollercoaster called life together, then yes. And maybe this is how we should have viewed love and marriage to begin with. Not through the fairytale lens. What a lie fairytales are.

I wish you all the best!

The adulting lady