The Adulting Lady

Love, romance and marriage a sham?

January 30, 2026

Fairytale or hard work?

It’s so easy, especially as a woman, to think it is all that. The destination you live life looking forward to. We grow up reading tales that place love and finding Prince Charming as a goal, even before we understand what a romantic relationship is. We are told that the right man is going to show up, know that you are the one, marry you, and you live happily ever after with him. Well, let me tell you. You may be together until one dies, but the happily ever after takes work… Daily, might I add. It takes work daily. The fairytales forgot to factor this into the script.

See, Prince Charming comes with his own imperfections. Just like you. Funny thing is, as women, we think we are perfect. Especially if you grew up as a good girl and always tried to live your life perfectly. You know… Respecting your parents, getting good grades, graduating in record time, and keeping yourself intact and respectable. When you’ve done all this and more, you believe you’ve earned the right to get your perfect prince charming, with whom you will live happily ever after, and who you will be perfect for

You don’t ever imagine that Prince Charming is messy, lazy, inattentive, and selfish. And he didn’t know he would deal with a clean freak who values time together and romantic outings! Ok, that sounds bad, I know, and it certainly feels unbearable at times. So in the beginning, you wonder if you chose the wrong man. Then you start introspecting. Maybe you are not perfect after all, and you could do some things differently. And let me tell you. The so-called “happily ever after” is a cycle of joy, fulfillment, introspection, annoyance, forgiveness, and questioning if keeping it together is worth it. It’s actually unbelievable. Marriage (happily ever after) is something that takes so much work. Those who have succeeded in it are resilient, patient, selfless, and kind. It takes a lot to succeed in marriage. Way more than I know how to articulate at this point. Haha!

If you are a hardcore Christian, you understand that marriage reflects Christ and the church. Ever wondered why the Bible calls the church the “bride”? Our Christian walk is tough. For some the struggle is obedience, for others it is trusting in God and His goodness and there are other struggles. God sets the example to us by His grace, His love for us and continuous forgiveness. So essentially, married people should do the same for their spouse. And boy oh boy is this hard to do! We are made in His image, but we certainly don’t have His abilities.

To all the aspiring wives and husbands. Marriage takes lots of work internally and even outwardly. Sometimes way more work than you are willing to do. Most times you just surrender and let things work themselves out, and at other times you need to take action so you can have peace. Is it worth it? I mean, actually fulfilling? If you are a lover and genuinely got married for love, then no! I say this with my chest. If you got married so you could gain or build a family, share bills, gain support, and just do this rollercoaster called life together, then yes. And maybe this is how we should have viewed love and marriage to begin with. Not through the fairytale lens. What a lie fairytales are.

I wish you all the best!

The adulting lady
Nothing Moves Unless You Do.

January 23, 2026

They make it look easy, don’t they? The ones who seem successful. The new graduates, successful career women, businesswomen, wives with good husbands, mothers with healthy and smart children, and popular influencers whose lives seem perfect. We make up excuses in our heads for them. Oh, they must have grown up with silver spoons, or it’s because they are so pretty, or they have always been lucky. We think, oh they grew up in good families with both parents, that’s why they do it seemingly so effortlessly. WelI, I have grown to find out that very little happens as a result of what I just mentioned. It may be partly true for those individuals, yes, but I assure you, they did work to be who they are and have what they have.

The lives we live are a result of cause and effect. You do nothing, you get nothing. You do something, and something happens in you, and then you see results. Those people you admire? Some of the work they’ve done was done without specific intention, but it was work nonetheless, as a result of life just happening, or the nudges of others. For example, going to school, which is something every child does, and then applying to a good university and getting in. This is not lucky. There was work done there. They decided that they would study for good grades, so they made an effort. So when this person then gets a good job and makes an effort, even the littlest effort, they can achieve a rewarding career. The successful businesswoman and the influencer? They worked on their skills. They learned how to network, look good, and be worth the time and money of investors. They learned how to create content, edit it, and post it. They learned their craft by doing. Even if they were afraid, they did it anyway. When no one paid them attention, they decided they would continue, whilst keeping hope that one day someone would notice and it will bear results. And finally it did. So really it starts with you deciding.

I know, it’s hard. Especially with personal fears as a result of traumas we’ve built up growing up, and maybe even the challenges we’ve faced that have shaped the way we think. All is still possible if we believe hard enough and pursue it hard enough. Consistently and as best as we can. Not perfectly, but just the best way we can whilst we learn. No one starts off perfect. I know you’ve heard the phrase “Just do it.” before. That’s some great advice right there. Because the more you just do it, the more you get better at it and learn new tricks. One day, you will wake up being the successful one others look up to. I promise. Go for it.

Your fellow adulting lady.
Alignment and career pivots

January 22, 2026

Is it being in the thirties or that they say the frontal lobe is fully developed, that makes one sit one day and contemplate their life? Particularly when it comes to career choices and where you want to be in the next couple of years? What I know is that it isn’t just me. We spent our lives looking forward to this stage of life – having a job we go to in our power suits and cute laptop bags, driving our cars that we worked hard to be able to buy. We worked hard to finally get to a point where we could fully rely on ourselves financially. A point where we can save and invest, get married and build families, comfortably pay for outings, and travel for fun. Now that we are firmly here, we ask, “Is my job and the people I work with enough to keep me happy for the next couple of years?” To this question, many answer “no”. What a pickle. At this point, we start anxiously thinking hard.

I’ve resolved that it is just part of life. It’s a journey of evolving, growing, being tested, and true self-discovery. If you are courageous, you jump in faith and do the work to get to a place of happiness. You find a new job elsewhere, upskill, start something new, and flourish in the process. If you are not, you live a misaligned life where you look accomplished to the outside gaze, but are dying slowly inside. Let’s touch on the latter. See, when you have the house, the car, the job title, and pay-slip, you have achieved what many out there long for. The job market and unemployment rate is on an all-time high, and just landing a job is the yearning of many around the world. So from this front, you are living a successful life for many. But many are trapped here. Every day they do tasks at their job they know fully well don’t make them happy. They enjoy it sometimes, when they wake up, choosing to be positive and just be grateful they get to live the life they do, but at the end of the day, it gnaws at them. The fact that they lack the courage to find what they love and to “job” that instead.

It is scary to walk out in faith. To grant yourself permission to discover what could make you truly happy. Perhaps if you are in this debacle yourself, you even worry that what you love can’t pay the bills, at least from where you’d be starting. That’s valid. Very valid in fact. But I’d like to encourage you to start thinking and planning what the first steps to take are, to get you to a place where you are not merely fearful, but hopeful and even excited at the thought of jumping in and doing what you love. You are worth it, trust me. So what will it take? Saving and investing for the first few months when you have no income, should you leave your job? Side hustling to earn more money? Speaking to people who can help support your next career move? Going to networking events? Searching for a new job? Do whatever it takes to get to the point where you can honestly say, “wow I love the work I do”!

I don’t mean to scare you, but I believe people can become less healthy as a result of staying in careers they know they should leave behind and in environments that are detrimental to their well-being. You have gotten this far with success, and you can still be successful. This time, you can do it with work that fulfills you. If you needed someone to give you permission to leave your fears behind, here it is. I am giving it to you.

May you sour!

Your fellow adulting lady.
Going through emotions

September 10, 2019

Hey Countess!

So lets get right to it. Have you ever wondered why you go through the motions when it gets to how you are feeling? One day you are happy and the next you are not? “Like emotions please stay stable, thanks”. Well it’s easy to just blame it on hormones and yes I agree that sometimes hormones play a huge role in how we feel. But what if you are not even close to going to that time of the month and you are still feeling like your brain is anywhere else apart from where you are? Like you are not necessarily sad but you are not your usual happy self either? When you can’t quite put your finger on it? Like your unconscious self is worried about something you aren’t quite aware of consciously? “What is that”, I bet you ask yourself like I do sometimes.

Well guess what? You and I are not alone in this. Thousands, if not more other girls go through the same thing. I think it is only normal that we don’t feel the same way all the time, because it means we are changing and growing. When I feel this way, I have noticed that I often try to figure out reasons of why I feel detached and I end up finding none. In these kind of times, it is important to just remain still, and of course tell God about it. These quiet times allow us not to get affected by the lot that happens around us. To be selfish in feelings of rage of excitement. To allow ourselves to regroup, after the many expectations of this world. To remain calm.

Love, romance and marriage a sham?

Nothing Moves Unless You Do.

Alignment and career pivots

Going through emotions