The Adulting Lady

Hey Countess

This past weekend I had something happen to me that I just did not expect. This made me realise that I need to get my life in order in terms of managing how I get over conflict and sad emotions. I was so down I broke down in tears unexpectedly. I could not control how I felt. I wanted to lock myself away and cry until my eyes were empty.

The last few weeks brought their fare share of ups and downs, especially in my relationships. What I have avoided doing for a long time ended up blowing in my face and I was heartbroken at the results. I was at work when I received the call from a family member, that blew my little heart into pieces so I quickly packed away my feelings and went back to my duties. I felt sad afterwards but I told myself that I could handle it. After all, I am a rational thinker and I could fix this relationship situation with the help of God. I needed just to humble myself. Work was also a factor in that I felt that I should be doing more than I currently am and felt unsatisfied with my career and this too made me sad. This sadness got emphasised every morning when I woke up to go to the very place that made me feel rather stagnant and sick. I also had a misunderstanding with my hubby and we were hitting a mini rough patch and wow, if there is anything that hits me in the gut, it is definitely fighting with the ones dear to me. My husband and I talked through our disagreement and I thought I was happy since we talked it through, but boy was I wrong.

At some point I really felt okay, Not the best, but I was surviving with just a pinch of joy. I began a new church project and it made me feel purposeful so I was happy. Or so I thought. I also managed to fix the issue I had with my family member so I thought I did not have to worry about it any longer. It just so happened that my husband and I spoke about how I had been feeling lately, and suddenly all the emotions I had during the past few weeks came crushing on me like a ton of bricks. I was an emotional wreck. This time however, I could not even hide away the feeling of helplessness and deep wanting to stay in it so I could get over it. I could hardly smile. I hated it and I had to let it pass. So I locked myself away and let it slowly pass away whilst trying to calm my mind in the process. The last time I felt so defeated was when I rolled on the steep hill whilst testing from my drivers’licence. Hahhaha I did the ugly cry then.

But why am I telling you all this? I am telling you this because we often live life thinking we have everything under control. Like there is just no way we cannot handle the motions of everyday and come out beat down. Like we can fight things on our own. But let me tell you something. The whole point of having Christ in our lives is so we can cast our burdens unto him (1 peter 5:7), and to cry out to him so we can feel light and offloaded. Anxiety is a daily thing. And we will go through tough patches many times in our lifetimes. There is no need to act strong when you are not feeling like it. Cry every time you need to and when you feel better, wipe away those tears from your beautiful cheeks and go get your life! And let me tell you.

Wishing you nothing but perfect joy and peace.

Mmakwena. G ❤